Hearing the Voice in the Holy of Holies
We hear His voice in the Holy of Holies of our heart, but long before I realized there was a negative narrative playing in my head, I had what I can only describe as a shattering experience. It was shattering because I had panic attacks for months afterward. A negative narrative can keep us in terror of rejection, censure, shame and anything negative that others would put upon us. It can keep us from hearing the Voice in the Holy of Holies.
The narrative keeps us terrified and doing God’s will could bring us into contact with behavior from others that will make sure we encounter the things we fear. Fear and the presence of God are incompatible. Fear is responsible for the veils we wear that obscure the Lord from us. Yet we think He hides when all along it is our fear that hides us from Him.
God’s training for my husband and myself was to take us into struggling fellowships. Most of these fellowships were struggling with staying on track with God’s Spirit. Because we listened much to God in the prayer closet, we would see something was wrong. Often we did not speak of it except to each other. Sometimes God told us to speak to the leaders and often we were part of the leaders..
Two Signs of a Healthy Church
The biggest lesson we learned by this training is that a healthy church has two emphasis. 1. To love the Lord you God with all your heart, soul and mind. This means intimate relationship with God and obedience to His Lordship. 2. Love your neighbor and lead them into an intimate relationship with Christ.
When God began this training, we did not know these two signs of a healthy church. But as we attended, we saw other emphasis. These included, building a bigger church, building a bigger congregation, adherence to leadership that desired total control, envy of other gifted people and personal spiritual ambition to name a few.
Come Into the Holy of Holies and Know God
On one occasion God gave me an exhortation which I shared with the congregation. This church allowed this sharing. The basics of that exhortation was to come into the Holy of Holies and know God as He is and not as others say He is. He will reveal Himself to all who seek Him. He wants us to know Him and we will find Him there.
I did not know the depth of this exhortation because I was a new believer, but it touched me deeply and became an important truth in my life. The Spirit of God captivated me and I rejoiced in this truth sensing its importance for my future. I expected that others felt the same, but I was wrong. Leadership told me I could never share again and if I wanted to attend that church I would have to submit to six months of counseling with leadership before I came back.
The Narrative of Shame and Fear
The narrative that played in my head strongly connected to a fear of shame. This rejection shattered me for obeying the voice of God. I was twenty-six years old, but had to sit up to sleep. When I lay down, I could not breathe.This situation lasted months and shows how strong the shame/fear narrative was.
Then my husband went to a class at Elim Bible Institute for a week and called me. “Deb, I know why that word you gave is so important. In Revelation there comes a time when only the Holy of Holies is left of the Temple. If we find contentment dwelling in the court in the end times, deception could sweep us away.”
Desperation to Know God-Hearing the Voice in the Holy of Holies
I asked him not to tell me where Revelation said this. I wanted to find it myself. This experience put me on the road to study and find God. I became desperate to know Him. I searched Revelation and found that in chapter four the throne room of God was the beginning of judgements. In chapter eight I saw the throne room again. This time judgements came as the saint’s prayers went up before the Lord. In chapter eleven John was told to measure the court off for judgement. Through this I understood the safest place for every believer is in God’s presence, the Holy of Holies.This applies not only in the end times, but every moment of our lives.
Over the years I watched believers let others tell them who God is. Many are “too busy” to seek Him. Others are afraid of the commitment it takes to know Him. They want their own will, not His. Forty-four years later I see that knowing Him intimately is the point of this life. The Holy of Holies is a lesson or metaphor for that intimacy.
Hearing sometimes has a price when we walk out the messages of God. One thing hearing ensures though is we will learn to quit fearing shame by others and men’s opinions if we stay close to God listening for His voice. I was veiled, but I learned to go to Him, to run to Him. I kept listening and seeking. He removed my veils because He is faithful to teach us what we need to know and to reveal Himself to us. There is nothing better in this life.